Under-Parenting: Finding Connection in the Chaos of the Holidays
The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy, togetherness, and magic. Yet, as parents, we often find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of schedules, to-do lists, and expectations that leave us feeling more frazzled than festive. Amidst the busyness, it’s easy to lose sight of the most important gift we can give our children: our presence.
Have you heard of “under-parenting”?! It’s an intentional step back from the hustle to make space for connection, simplicity, and joy. And these final weeks of the year is the perfect time to try it out!
First, let’s clear something up: Under-parenting doesn’t mean neglecting your responsibilities or ignoring your kids. Instead, it’s about letting go of the pressure to do it all - from orchestrating elaborate activities to perfect holiday traditions - and focusing on what really matters: being present.
It’s recognizing that less doing often leads to more being.
So why are the holidays a perfect time to embrace it?
Expectations run higher than usual. The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday can be overwhelming. Kids don’t need perfection; they need connection.
Over-scheduling is common and often hard to avoid. From school winter concerts to family gatherings, the calendar fills up quickly. I get it! I’m in the thick of it too! Simplifying schedules wherever possible creates opportunities for downtime and connection.
Family dynamics can be complicated. The holidays often involve navigating extended family relationships. Practicing under-parenting can help set healthy boundaries and protect your family’s peace.
So how exactly do I practice under-parenting this holiday season?
Make connection the priority over perfection. Replace Pinterest-worthy crafts with spontaneous, messy fun. Sit with your child by the tree or menorah and share your favorite memories instead of worrying about the “perfect” decorations or photo ops.
Create space for unstructured time. Block off “nothing” time in your schedule to allow for play, storytelling, or just snuggling under a blanket.
Say NO to nonessential activities. Practice selective participation. It’s okay to skip an event or tradition if it feels like too much.
Simplify gift giving. Focus on experiences or gifts that encourage togetherness, like a family game or tickets to an event you can enjoy together.
Model mindfulness. Show your kids how to slow down by modeling it yourself. Take a deep breath before responding in stressful moments, and invite them to do the same.
My favorite part of under-parenting is that it reminds us of what truly matters. Years from now, our children won’t remember the perfect holiday card or the number of cookies we baked. They’ll remember how they felt during these moments - seen, loved, and connected. Happy Holidays, beauties!