Special Time: My Favorite Connection Tool
I remember first learning about Special Time in 2012 as a new mama of 2 (Eden then 3, Bodhi just a few months old). I can recall the voice in my head reacting with something like, “Wait there’s a parenting tool called Special Time? But I’m literally spending all my time with my kids and I’m pretty sure it’s all somewhat special”. I’d soon find out that’d it’d be the missing piece to our sanity and harmony as a new fam of 4.
What makes “Special Time” special is the concentrated one on one time free of other distractions (no phone, no work, no making dinner, no folding laundry, etc.). The rules are pretty simple.
Name/Announce it - “Let’s have Special Time” (you can also change the name if you’d like - “Mommy/Bodhi time”, one of our HWG families calls it “Magic Minutes”)
Set a timer (“Let’s set the timer. We have 15 min for Special Time today”)
Follow the child’s lead with enthusiasm (“What do you want to do for ST today?”)
Special Time is a flexible tool. It can be 5 minutes, it can be an hour…or anything in between. During more challenging phases, amp up ST so that you’re doing it daily at least for a few minutes. If you have kids that are having a hard time getting out of the house in the morning, do 5+ min of ST first thing in the morning. If you have kids that are having a rough time at bedtime, do 5+ min of ST before the bedtime routine. It’s about what the child wants to do in those 5+ minutes (as long as it’s safe!) and you hopping on board enthusiastically and with undivided attention. Your kid is in charge for these few moments and you’re excited about it!
Reflections from a decade ago after a Special Time sesh with my then toddler:
It was going to be a busy day. Tons to do. Eddy took Eden to school in the morning. I began attempting to move through the “to do” list. I got half way through #1 when it was clear Bodhi wanted my attention. I gave him a minute or two of myself - quickly and not 100% - and then would return back to what needed to get done saying “Bodes, we’ll play again once I finish this, that and the other thing”. After a few rounds of this I realized we needed some Special Time. I announced it, set the timer and gave all of me to my boy for 10 minutes.
He was so excited! He knows what ST is now and looks forward to it. He wanted us to throw the basketball back and forth. Then some more basketball but on all fours as puppy dogs. He was leading, of course, and wanting me to ‘copy’ his every move…”Mommy, do it like this…Mommy, catch the ball…Mommy, be a puppy…Mommy, again!”
I noticed what a huge difference this focused concentrated attention on him was making as opposed to the sporadic type that had been taking place just moments before. It warmed my heart and it was almost as if I was seeing him in a new light. I got to really look at him and BE with him - and nothing but him - for these fleeting moments. He’s growing so quickly. He says SO much. He is SO appreciative of these 10 minutes, as am I.
He wanted to roll around and on and off the couch for a bit. Each time we rolled on the floor he’d giggle “again!”, and so we’d do it again. And again. And again!
The timer went off. I stopped us and quieted us so we could hear it. “Oh, it’s the timer”, I said. “Do you want to go press the button (to turn it off?”. “Yeah!!!” This was different as often the timer would lead to big feelings about ST being over. He ran over to my phone, pressed the button, and went on to have some beautiful and lengthy independent play while I was able to tackle a few more items on the “to do” list.
We’d love to hear your feedback! Do you use Special Time regularly in your house and have you reaped its benefits? Or if you try it after learning about it here or have any questions about the tool, share with us: admin@here-we-grow.com